Had a VERY early night last night. Lack of joy combined with low gas & electric meant i had an early night. Feel so much better for it too.

2Day.........I hear you scream NO after you've read this, but, i'm going out for drinks with my ex & his mum for his b/day which is 2moro. Havn't seen or spoken to him in nrly 3 weeks. "Rollercoaster" of emotions isn't the word.

Don't know how i'll feel when i actually see him, but, atm i feel fine about it. I just know it's going to be difficult. I've told his mum to let him know we aren't to speak about any personal stuff........So what the hell are we going to talk about!!!!.

Well, if it's shit, or i can't deal with it, i'll just walk.

Reports l8a, Should be interesting if things don't go to plan. ie no personal stuff

It's wednesday morning, i've just woken up but i didn't goto bed till 5am.....2much on my mind.

I need to be self motivated, but i need to have some kind of motivation to be motivated, if that makes sense.

I know, i should think myself lucky when there is so much war famine death & destruction in the work but no, i'm gonna be miserable & feel sorry for myself for a while then i'll.

"Run just as fast as i can, to the middle of no where to the middle of my frustrated fears."

I wouldn't be the man i am 2day if it wasn't for 1 man, but then again i wouldn't have been the man i was because of him either. Why do we allow ourselves to build something up when, as usual, there is always gonna be a big fall. He came into my life, gave me reason, brought me out of depression. Showed me that with a reason there was hope. Now there is no reason. Why can i do things for others but not for myself ??

I know what i have to do, Forget & move on.......I need some1, not something for me to move on. It's always been the way.

I have two business' that can change my life, 1 dramatically. But the people i know (all in their 20's) are unable to afford the investment. But any business requires investment. I see the business working with the people who i'm working with, but, they are older & have a greater disposable income. Now is the right time for investment.

A little info about Agel Enterprises http://www.onlinepbr.com/

Over 40 countries in 2 years. Now thats AMAZING !!

Just doing this has helped, is helping......Rant Over !!

"i'm gonna smile cos i deserve to"

OMG another day, another date..............

I ran from this 1, hammer house of horrors isn't in it this time......

2 freaked to blog, lets just say it should have an 18 cert just cos of the gore.

Don't think i'll be going on anymore dates for a while, i'm too traumatised.

Been lookin @ flights for Ireland 2day. They said £2.99, i said BARGAIN !! then it got to tax's........Mmmm robbin gits.......we'll see how the finances go, It's deffo something i wanna do VERY SOON though.

ADDITIONAL.......Anyone know ANYONE (Male, rich, work-a-holic, gorgous, not too old) who wans to look after me. Let me know. I wanna be a kept man.

Wasn't what i was expecting, but it was ok. We'll see how it goes but i doubt i want it to go ne where.

Self Obsessed talking about where he's worked, what he;s done & what he does now......Oh & then there's the ex............i know more about him than i do my own ex.

I have a date 2day, we've been chatting for a while & now we finally meet.......nervous......NO, not @ my age. Can take me or leave me (not in that way Rob).

We're doing sunday lunch, well, late lunch.

He's 33, not my usual type so hopefully i'll break the chain of disaster. The last b/f was 19 wen i met him, now he's nrly 23 & a uni student. Scott is 33, a biker & plays rugby, 30" waist, 5ft8 & 10st......+ drives a bananna car, just like me (bright yellow) always a bonus.

Ok i'm not nervous, i'm aprehensive. Arghhhhh, always mad when you meet for the 1st time.

Let you all know l8a how it goes.

7/4/07 update

Wasn't what i was expecting, but it was ok. We'll see how it goes but i doubt i want it to go ne where.

Self Obsessed talking about where he's worked, what he;s done & what he does now......Oh & then there's the ex............i know more about him than i do my own ex.

I've been brought over to "The dark side" Thanks Rob !! wil i like it ??? We'll see.

I AM LINDA BARKER - I decorated my lounge last night 2-3 coats on some walls & 4 coats on the dreaded metalic purple chimney breast. Now i'm all chique & neutral. call me Queen Changing Rooms. Many Thanks to Adz for all your help.

All because i have a meeting @ home tonight. Well i can safely say, i'm happy for people to come in now. I havn't been in my lounge for over 12months cos i've hated it & not wanted to, or not had the motivation to change it. Now i've cut all ties from my ex (who was dragging me down, love is blind) i have a renewed sence of overwhealming happiness. I hope it all stays this way, i'm going to do my very best to keep it like this cos i LOVE IT!!

I've just started with a new company as a network marketer & i know from my past experience with networking that being in the right place @ the right time & doing something about it is the most important part. Being in @ the beginning is the most important part of theis business, Millionares are made & i'm going to be 1.......look out world, pete's gonna be spending. + who isn't going to be happy that when you reach a ceryain level, they give you a lamborghini....bring it on !!

For an idea of why i've got involved with one of the most amazing companys i have ever seen, click the link below.

http://www.onlinepbr.com/